Pacing the cage

It’s really blue out today. Always has been remarkable to me how the weather patterns transform us so. Our speech reflects this. We talk about storms in our lives or of how cold we feel inside. There’s a line in a Bruce Cockburn song that says, “Sometimes a wind comes out of nowhere and knocks you off your feet.” Couldn't have said it any better!

Today I just feel like my life is one big magnetic strip that has been worn thin. I’ll feel better tomorrow, but for now it’s a reality. I’m spent and taken in by too much and for all my apparent honesty I feel each time I disclose and try to knock I am someone else to another, soon forgotten and another swipe done. Ultimately everything is bullshit but the open hand. It shouldn’t matter so much to me. Perhaps. But I just want to be known, understood and inhaled.

You show a little, I let something show too. There's no instant-get-to-know-you about it.

I don’t know how to swim. I want someone to take the time to teach me some day. Yeah, that was really cryptic, eh? I wanted to say more, be esoteric, play with the subject, but I'm tired. It is one of the few things I am ashamed of, but there’s a story behind it and today I am weary of the memory of the overturned canoe and the north bound bubbles. The lead story in John Updike’s collection “Trust Me” resonated.

I find myself pacing the cage today. Reader. What is it that you want … really?