Traveling lately. Lonely hotels. Failed Internet. Eating alone. Thinking aloud. Hot baths. Eyes glazed. Television on. Boob tube off. Bob Dylan. Thoughts ablaze. Just amazed. Honest Bob. Running fast. Lost aimless. Shady fog. On top. Sliding down. Holding on. Rock bottom. Warm Riesling. Silly thoughts. Pretty girl. Up Hill. Know me. Jesus saves. Roman slaves. Open up. Shut up. Think hard. Greasy lard. Look back. Fall hard. Feel blood. Trickle down. Drop back. Ten yards. Punt forward. They win. Who cares?. Know what? Two words. Say much. Read this. Your wish. Come again. Please do. Pay now. Pray later. Just war? Says who? Dad dead. Mom cries. Child sighs. No lie.
There is more spinning around in my head right now than I can stand. I have to say that you just can’t live with the titles people put on you. Man , it just doesn’t work! And you better get real honest with yourself … whoever you are … don’t read this and walk away thinking you’re holy cause you said some prayer this morning that aunt Martha’s pain would go away and that you’d be kept from sliding on the ice on the way to work. Is that prayer? Or is that YOU talking? Don’t hide behind moralistic clichés that don’t mean shit to people dying on the streets hungry. Yeah, find some excuse to pawn your weak thoughts on to something else that’ll take the heat off of you. Get real. Stop lying to yourself and just breathe for once in your life. Wanna feel good? Walk away and say, “Oh, he’s just angry!” God save you!
Know this. It’s harder to hold your breath than to exhale and take in some fresh air. Someone … please open a window and let the bad air out! I used to think I had all the answers but now I realize that I was answering questions no one was even asking and the questions that stump me now are the ones that no one wants to ask and few care to consider. Are you listening to this confession? Take your robe off and put on a working shirt. Roll up the sleeves in your mind and get to work.
I can hear it already. "What bitterness!! Poor soul!! Save him Jesus! He’s on a roll! Shoot a dart and change his heart. " But no … I am not sick reader. I am thinking clearly.
God, all I want is to just do it right, but I break everything I seem to touch and I don’t know how to make it right. It’s like I live in a room full of rocking chairs to walk on and each step throws me down hard, tips me over, makes me fall. Is this normal what I feel, Lord? Can you hear me now? Will it ever be better again? Will I ever look up and see the security again? Will I smell a beautiful fragrance and return to a time and place that meant so much to me but now seems faded, worn and jaded.
The greatest souls on earth are the self-centered ones! Yes. Why? Because you cannot love another until you love your self. You cannot care for another until you know how to care for your self. You cannot find a lost soul until you have found your self first.
Hey! Are you even looking?
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